The Day Our Lives Changed Forever

Last March 10, 2010, my husband and I were called to the administrator’s office at our children’s school about our older son. I was filled with a sense of fear, like it was a foreboding of bad news. That day, the administrator told us, compassionately and kindly, that they had noticed that my older son, who had just turned thirteen, seemed to be “different” because of behaviour during the National Achievement Test the day before. He asked a question from the exam proctor when they were clearly instructed to not ask any questions. Aside from that, my son had been having difficulty in math and had a few other non-disruptive but unusual behaviours that they noticed. They thought it may be a learning disability and that it is possible that he may be a “special” child. They suggested that we have a psychological assessment done for our son to determine what disability he may have. After hearing this news, though it was not a diagnosis, I felt like the sky fell on me and the earth opened up to swallow me, at the same time. I was so devastated. My son, my “panganay”(Tagalog for oldest child), the one I carried in my womb for nine long months, seven months of that on bed rest, was “special”. It was so difficult to receive such news. As a mother, I took it worse than my husband did. I felt like I had failed to see that there was something wrong, and I could have known earlier. Why did we we find out only now? Why my son? What hurt all the more is that my son had been bullied and teased by certain classmates last school year, though in a “mild” way. “Mild” in a sense that it was not relentless and not continuous, and not violent. But the bullying still happened and it still affected my son no matter how mild it was. And now that I learned that my son was different, I was so angry that these kids took advantage of my son’s being different by teasing him. In grappling with the bad news, I went through the entire range of emotions: anger, depression, grief, sadness, frustration, bitterness. I asked God why. There was a purpose to all of this, but it eluded me at that time. As a friend of mine said, we may not “question” God, but we sometimes just ask Him why. One thing I did- I said to myself that whatever happens, my heart is the Lord’s. I would not get angry or become bitter at the Lord. Whatever happens, God is faithful and good.

We set an appointment with the psychologists who conducted the assessment soon after the administrator talked to us. They conducted IQ tests and other behavioural assessments. In about four weeks all the interviews and tests were finished. They said that the results would be out by 3 weeks. During the time we waited for the results, we researched online, we emailed doctor-friends to consult, we emailed doctor-relatives. It was torture to wait. Unfortunately, it took the psychologists almost 3 months to release the results. While waiting for the results, a friend of mine encouraged me with these words: “whatever it is, just remember that it is nothing compared to unwritten possibilities of love and patience.” I still treasure these words in my heart to this day.

The psychological assessment results showed what fields my son had difficulties in. The results made me sad because I didn’t know that my son was so handicapped in certain areas. He also had severe social skill problems. No diagnosis was given, only a clinical impression. They said we needed to see a developmental paediatrician or a psychiatrist for the diagnosis. We then decided to see a developmental paediatrician. A friend of mine suggested a certain doctor. He was such a blessing because he had been a friend during my college days. He is a good Christian doctor and a wonderful developmental paediatrician. We went to see him August 12, 2010. That day we got my son’s official diagnosis : High Functioning Autism. It wasn’t Asperger’s syndrome because my son lacked the very high IQ scores, the savant ability (a special “gift” or talent or “obsession”) and the normal language development usually seen in Asperger’s Syndrome. (He only spoke in monosyllables around age 2 and learned to speak complete sentences at age two and a half.) The paediatrician assured us that he has a good prognosis and that he was mildly affected. He also said that my son had been able to cope for 7 years of elementary education, and he will be able to cope. The doctor also said that my son also qualifies for a “person with disability” status from our city. Surprisingly, after hearing the final diagnosis, we didn’t feel as devastated as we did before. Maybe the Lord was answering the prayers of our friends who had been praying for us for months since that “day” we found out about our son’s being “special”. We felt like God’s grace was holding us up. We felt like we were strong beyond our own capacity to be strong.

We got a list of specialists to visit from the developmental pediatrician : occupational therapist, and speech therapist, a genetics laboratory. We needed to have high-resolution chromosome analysis done to rule out any chromosomal causes of autism. We have now seen two occupational therapists and a speech therapist. As more tests and evaluations are done on my son, the more we are understanding his autism and how deeply affected he is. As part of his autism, he has fine motor skill difficulty, sensory processing and sensory integration problems (he is hyper-sensitive to certain sensory inputs, like smells and sounds, and hypo-sensitive to others, like pain), social skill deficits, and practical math difficulty. We are still awaiting the results of the chromosome analysis.

Now, we are taking one day at a time. We are not sure what my son will reach, but we will guide him to reach his God-given potential. We will continue to pray that he will be able to function, cope and overcome his limitations and disabilities. Whether a person is highly intelligent with a PhD, or a person is autistic with language, math and social disabilities, they must still honor the Lord. Honoring the Lord with one’s life is necessary, and possible, no matter what one’s level of education is. I have also learned to forgive and understand the “bullies” who teased my son, though I honestly wanted to wring their little necks at first. I have learned to accept my son’s diagnosis. We will do whatever it takes (except anything sinful or illegal, of course) to help our son. We will trust God everyday for the grace and strength to be parents of a child with autism. As my friend encouraged me, “know that he is still the same child you cradled and loved and nurtured. Your dreams for him may change, as they often do, but nothing in this life is certain except that which God has planned for us.” We don’t know what the future is, but we know God is there. We don’t know my son’s future, but I know he will be taught by the Lord, because God promised it.

And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
(Isaiah 54:13)