I turned 39 today! As I look back on my life, the only thing I can say is thank You Lord for 39 years of Your mercy!
I received the Lord in my heart when I was 16, through a gospel tract that a high school friend sent me. However, when I was in dental school , I backslid in my relationship with the Lord because back then, when I was "getting close to the Lord", I had this feeling that God was going to "call" me into "full-time ministry". I didn't want to become a lady minister or pastor, I wanted to be a dentist. So I cordoned off the "career" part of my life from God. I foolishly told Him, "my career is off-limits to You". So this rebellion led me farther away from God, and it showed in my life: I was full of bitterness, anger, revenge, unforgiveness, hatred, slander. I did not "walk my talk" and was a mean-spirited, bitter, cynical person. I fought with people and made many enemies. I drifted so far away from God, He seemed like a super distant voice already. My anger consumed me, and finally around 1999 the anger caused my body to develop an autoimmune disease. My own immune system began attacking my body
, and I developed tendinitis, synovitis, skin lesions, and fatigue. I was placed on oral steroids intermittently for 3 years to combat the inflammation, then on the immune suppressant azathioprine, until I saw another doctor who changed the medication to methotrexate, a cancer-chemotherapy drug that is also a disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drug. When I was on methotrexate, I reached rock-bottom. Methotrexate tasted like poison, and I felt I
was dying with each tablet. I developed depression and had to be placed on anti-depressants.
In my rock-bottom experience, I cried out to God for mercy. That is when I felt His hand pull me up from the "miry clay",as Psalm 40:2 says. Literally. The Lord found me "on the broken road" as the song "Where the Love Lasts Forever" says. Then I heard Him say, through a song ,"prepare the way of the Lord". What happened in the following days is the Lord drew me closer to Him...I hadn't read the Bible for months then. The Lord used devotionals at first to teach me, then later on I began reading the Bible. The Lord began to gently teach me in His word all that I had disobeyed and how I had hurt Him by all the acts of disobedience that I did. I felt so ashamed for my backsliding...I had hurt my Lord more than I had hurt myself! I told the Lord, Lord, from now on I will do whatever Your word says. I will follow what You want in my life, even if You "call" me into "full-time" ministry. Even if You send me to Africa. I will say Yes, Lord." I removed the "cordon" I had placed on my career and my wants and dreams, and let God be the Lord of ALL my life.
Slowly, the Lord began to teach me from His word. I began to grow closer to the Lord again. I remember the Lord speaking to my heart, "Remember this day, I am bringing your knowledge of My word back to zero, like a slate wiped clean. Everything you will learn about My Word from now on is from Me, so you can never boast that your wisdom and knowledge about My Word is from you."
After a few months, the Lord gave me three promises in His Word for healing of depression.
The first was Psalm 38:9:
All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.
All my sighs were heard and seen by God!
The second was Isaiah 51:11
The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
Gladness and joy will overtake me! The sorrow and sighing will flee away!
The third was Isaiah 53:4:
Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted.
The Lord carried my sorrows! The Lord took up my infirmities!
I received the promise on Aug. 31, 2002.
I was healed on October 1, 2002. I was just sitting in church and someone was singing "His Eye is on the Sparrow". Then I distinctly remember God speaking to my heart, "receive your healing". I didn't feel anything different. I just pondered on what I heard. Then I said, if my fatigue is gone tomorrow morning, I know I'm healed. The fatigue was gone the next day. It never came back. Two weeks later the tendinitis/synovitis symptoms slowly disappeared.
I was completely healed.
He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.And He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
Psalm 40:2-3
I live today because the Lord rescued me. By His great mercy, I live.
The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-- of whom I am the worst.
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
1 Timothy 1:14-17
Last Nov. 29-30, the clinic where my husband works as a consultant had a "team-building/strategic planning" workshop (read: clinic outing) at this beautiful resort (Vivere Azure) in Anilao, Batangas, south of Manila, on the southern part of Luzon Island.